Sunday, May 31, 2009


it is impossible. how do you convey loneliness in an authentic fashion when your voice becomes this tiny rose spark that barely shines amongst all the bright lights. i used to have incredible amounts of words to say and write, lately, i have so few, i am lost within this realm of passion, love and solitude. i have stopped talking for beauty is rarely portraited accurately, i have stopped writing you letters because i am afraid you never read them and if you do, they stay clasped between the claws of that heart of yours, that untamable loner lion heart of yours. i am desperate with jealousy, shimmering and shaking at any and every other thing or person that might possibly be the object of your affection. my flesh burns and aches most nights, those same nights when i dream of placing myself over your body, legs at each side of your hip and thrusting you inside of me. there is nothing in the world i have needed most than you and your lips, i have lost so much because of you, i have become a barely there love pulse, the ruby red color that graces the lips of every woman in love. i brittle and glow at the very memory of your voice, i glow like i have never glowed and there is nothing left but that glimmering pale skin that you love and worship at your every return. if i could picture the images i have of my twenties for you, if i had the skill to paint endless canvases with love stories, i would give them to you, i would drain my own blood to paint them with the most wonderful rose color. (flowering nymphs, ghostgirls, swans with silk feathers, pink sunrises, rubies and aphrodite stones, magdalene perfumes, from virgin to venus, hands caressing breasts, swinging hips, lilies and tuberoses, tongues entwined, “he liked my shoes, i kept them on, honey thighs, champagne and strawberries, sinsuality, blooming gardens, the flower and the bea, the salty virgin tears, the trembling lips, the quivering flesh, desire, devotion, desperation and love). i do know that no matter how much i write and speak about this love, i will never be able to express it and understand it fully. i am at a loss of words, i am muted by power this love has had over me.

and if i could be flower,
i would be a flower for you.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

ma vie en rose

when i go, i want to remember the soft tender feeling of love brushing agaisnt my skin, dainty white linen stained with the pink glowing nectar of romance. i do not want endless riches if i cannot have love to ablaze my body in pure splendor. (those nights where you close your amber arms around me, the wonderful way you bring the winds of the sea closer to my heart, how you make me feel feverish and torn, all round surfaces and glowing red lips). love is desperation, love is perpetually burning in me like the sweet embers of a lily set on fire by his hands (darling mine ,if you feel it, it must be real, it has to be, there is nothing else.) a caress is a most ardent hurt, inside and outside, it’s bruises and a strange taste of blood in the insides of my mouth. when i go, i want absolution, everything i have ever suffered must be left behind, every sin, every lie, all i want to remember is what was left of me after love carried on its way, if all that remains is a small blossom, then so be it, i could never ask for anything else. i do not want a life filled with adventures if that means a life without the thrill of heavenly seduction, i am ready to lose if that means that i would have loved. every carnal flower born out of words, every trace of perfume in an empty room, lipstick traces on the collars of your shirts, burning loveletters, making love like there was no tomorrow, songs i sing to you in my head while you fly away and travel the world, all these things are merely reminders of a passion that breathes and grows with time, all these things have nothing to do with you, they are perfectly mine, they belong to me like i belong to you. when i go, i want nothing else but memories of love, of a passionate life turned to ashes: i have no hope for heaven, darling, all i want is this love to carry on without me.

these past days i have been in love with pink/rose things all over,
i share with you some of my favorite:

dear music box from paris that plays a song named romance d'amour

hello kitty music box that plays ave maria

tiny silly trinkets

kokeshi doll i received as a birthday gift from dear v*

heartshaped pink quartz and crystal apple from isa

music box from paris that plays parlez moi d'amour

coquette mask i decorated

marilyn's eyes sleeping mask i received as a gift from dela and isa

matryoska doll made by isa

tiny doll shoes

hello kitty pens and pencils

rose oil

dear romantic perfumes

from left to right
Insolence by Guerlain
Chance by Chanel
Paris by Yves Saint Laurent
L'Air Du Temps Colored Doves Edition by Nina Ricci
Miss Dior Chérie by Dior

collection of pink, peach and rose juicy tubes


pretty "thank you" notes

books my dad gave to me as a gift

lovemail from dear miss caitilin shearer

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

these days

some red withering roses

the corner of my bed

the beautiful book i'm reading

some drawings i have been working on

a little drawing my cousin sent from paris

breakfast i had this past weekend

peach tea

apricot tart

chocolate cereal

yogurt with little pieces of fruit