Sunday, February 7, 2010

self-portrait under violet light




Never have been too good with mirrors, I either obsess until shapes become blurry or walk right past them. Mirrors & mirages, escapism is all I know. If you’d ask me about my favorite colour, I’d say Lily, not the flower, nor the white but the whole dream (in my head, it’s a presence, something to strive to be, an inexistent impossible illusion and if I decided to explain how much I love “impossible” I would never finish writing). When I talk to people I look at them straight in the eye, it can be a little uncomfortable but it’s better to be sure than sorry. I fall in love by the second, hopeless romantic lost in a sea of make-believe, I fall in love and fall out of grace too. My biggest fear is never being able to say “I love you” enough times, “I love you” until you realize that it’s impossible for me not to love you someday. I am soft and incredibly mellow, glistening honey & milk in your arms. Frail and shy like a swan yet precise like a clock and cold as cutting glass. I can sing in tune but it’s nothing special, just the nostalgia of air breathing into lungs and filling my chest with sorrow, I can draw girls with sad eyes but nothing else, nothing real. I walk very fast because I like to pretend I have somewhere to go, I am fascinated by light and I think of my love everytime I hear “I am going to marry you in butterfly red”. I carry my grandmother’s beauty mark on my neck and I burn in fever everytime he kisses it. I sleep very little but dream awake most of the time. I can purr like a kitten and I can cry like a lark. Never have been too good with self-portraits for they make me feel watched and vulnerable but tonight, I part with these as a prove that I am real. I am in love, I am true.

3 comments:

Sara B. said...

i don't think i need to tell you that much of what you write rings true in my ribcage. oh how i love you my milky way for ever and ever. ♥

Mignonette said...

I heard the darling flowers share this tune - many times... they know how I feel - how you feel...

xoxx

c* said...

*blushblush*

i send love to both of you dearests of dears!
you two are perfectly luminous!

c*