Saturday, April 3, 2010

♥ he ate my heart ♥

Since I met you, nostalgia and absence reign over my life. No matter how satisfied or blissful I’ve been there is always a piece of my heart somewhere else (the same piece that sleeps and breathes beside you). You might not know this but there have been two men that have broken me in two, my father and you, no matter how many roses and protection you both have promised me, it’s always filled me with profound sorrow to spend time with either of you, in spite of all the love there is sadness everytime.

A delicate lilac light flows from my heart when I am at ease, the world can be an achingly beautiful place to be, there are days when I am overwhelmed with songs and tears, swans and poetic reveries but not everyday can be such day, there are days where the only thing I can ever think about is you. I am tired of this, I dream of dreaming dreams without you.

To be possessed and torn by memories and a far away love is not my idea of wonderful times. These past weeks I’ve been sick to the core, sick of missing you and sick of feeling ripped apart by heartache, sick of not being with you and sick of dreaming of the future you promise. I’ve been running and hiding but I do not know from whom I am running nor hiding from.

I am soaked to the bones in your ghost, darling, I can’t recall who I was before this love stole me from myself, I am all yours yet I am tired of carrying your weight, of aching for you, of crying and missing you, I am tired of holding my breath until you come back again.

How do you recover from such monster love? How do you build a new life when ghosts have taken everything from you? How do you sing again? How do you love again? How do you forget?

You’ve eaten me,
You’ve eaten me whole

yet somehow, I believe that all this love I've held for you must one day transform into something beautiful again, something that only belongs to me


Mignonette said...

Endless love for you... and I will wrap you and cover you in silk & velvet ribbon...


Degaussing the Mind said...

Love this.

c* said...

kisses to you darlings,