Wednesday, June 30, 2010

the sphinx

Loneliness is not what you are runing from, baby. Most of the time, it’s sort of ok. Waking up alone and letting all those silly thoughts flood your head while you’re still in bed (he’s not here, he was not the one, you’ve made yourself up, you’ve dreamed yourself into swans and violets, you’ve turned tears into mermaids, you’ve died and come alive for love. You’ve wasted endless turnaround the clocks waiting for Prince Charming, you’ve laughed yourself silly, you’ve kept too many secrets, you’ve fallen from grace). Every morning, the light washes over you like waves and arms of flowers and you still hope and yearn for those same things that have been sleeping within you all along. You’ve cried because you’ve felt lonely but you’ve never been lonely, sugar, not now, nor ever. You’ve always been surrounded by nymphs and amazons, fawns and monsters. You have never been lonely but you are so terribly afraid of being alone so you run and run until you can run no more and then you hide and seek hands to hold, lips to kiss, ears to whisper sweet nothings to. Loneliness is not quite like being alone, darling. Loneliness comes from hearts who have been emptied of all hope and if there is one thing that has never failed you is that wonderful ability to find light when the skies are the darkest.

You’ve never been lonely...
You’re afraid.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

et toi mon coeur pourquoi bats-tu?

Sometimes light surrounds unanimate objects to make you believe they're truly alive.
I love these moments.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

♥ secrets ♥

I've never been very good at explaining things, I'm not logical and it pains me so but my approach to the truth and to most things is absolutely emotional (therefore a little foolish and romantic), but it's all I know, all I've been and I refuse to apologize for it. I love weekends because they seem to be longer than any other day in the week. I love dressing up and never ever dress down, growing old keeps me up at night (it's not necessarily the wrinkles or the lack of beauty but the pain and the heartache that one must endure to get there). I've been in love far too many times, more than I can count yet there is a teeny tiny piece of my heart that has always felt unloved and uncared for. Most of my relationships are quite symbiotic and I love having people depending on me, especially men. I've always had very complicated relationships, give me a liar, a thief, a momma's boy, a sick fawn, a mad man and I'll be forever charmed. I am obsessed with commitment yet tend to run away when it happens too quickly. I've been bought and sold by men far too many times, I've never cheated but I have loved more than one man at a time. I have almost impossibile romantic ideals and try to live up to them even if they hurt me so, I believe Joni Mitchell wrote this lyric about me "You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you all those pretty lies, pretty lies.", I feel sad quite frequently yet I don't believe I've ever been depressed. My belief in faithfulness is almost faitytale-like and it makes me sick quite often. Distance and farewells have been the most painful things I've ever had to go through in my life and they still tear me apart. I am far too obsessed with old hollywood romance, the ghost of Greta Garbo and embodying a murder with the scent of tuberoses. I wear too much mascara because it keeps me from crying when I should cry rivers and If I could, I'd wear sunglasses to bed. I am in love with breakfasts in bed, sensuality, perfume and the poetics of beauty. I love that John Keats verse "A thing of beauty is a joy forever", I've never wanted to be free but kept in a luxurious bottle (I blame this on watching endless re-runs of -I Dream of Genie- far too many times when I was a kid). I never leave the house without lipstick or lipgloss and I get a huge kick of pushing the gender role status-quo more than I should. My favorite color is violet and I am afraid of dying alone, I want to marry and have a house to keep, my ambitions have nothing to do with high profile jobs or a renowned social position for all I want is people to love, a family, good friends and beautiful nights sipping rosé champagne while eating strawberries. I've been lucky enough to live a quite hedonistic and spoiled life and I refuse to feel guilty or be made fun of because of it. I love italian soaps, white linen, dinner parties, wood floors and 100% cotton shirts. I am sentimental, afraid and have always felt kind of disenchanted because life rarely meets dreams and there is nothing that could be done about that. There is nothing superficial about me, all those silly things are just decorations, I am very passionate about life and I surrender myself like there is no tomorrow. What I love the most about myself is that I am always in love, always. In love with dreams, ideas, books, voices, women, men and situations. I am always in love and I believe that this is the only thing for which I truly live most everyday, the mere opportunity to fall in love time and time again.

tell me some of your secrets....

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Kiss (1929, Jacques Feyder)

Nothing like Garbo's face to believe the world is a beautiful place!