Sunday, June 13, 2010

♥ secrets ♥

I've never been very good at explaining things, I'm not logical and it pains me so but my approach to the truth and to most things is absolutely emotional (therefore a little foolish and romantic), but it's all I know, all I've been and I refuse to apologize for it. I love weekends because they seem to be longer than any other day in the week. I love dressing up and never ever dress down, growing old keeps me up at night (it's not necessarily the wrinkles or the lack of beauty but the pain and the heartache that one must endure to get there). I've been in love far too many times, more than I can count yet there is a teeny tiny piece of my heart that has always felt unloved and uncared for. Most of my relationships are quite symbiotic and I love having people depending on me, especially men. I've always had very complicated relationships, give me a liar, a thief, a momma's boy, a sick fawn, a mad man and I'll be forever charmed. I am obsessed with commitment yet tend to run away when it happens too quickly. I've been bought and sold by men far too many times, I've never cheated but I have loved more than one man at a time. I have almost impossibile romantic ideals and try to live up to them even if they hurt me so, I believe Joni Mitchell wrote this lyric about me "You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you all those pretty lies, pretty lies.", I feel sad quite frequently yet I don't believe I've ever been depressed. My belief in faithfulness is almost faitytale-like and it makes me sick quite often. Distance and farewells have been the most painful things I've ever had to go through in my life and they still tear me apart. I am far too obsessed with old hollywood romance, the ghost of Greta Garbo and embodying a murder with the scent of tuberoses. I wear too much mascara because it keeps me from crying when I should cry rivers and If I could, I'd wear sunglasses to bed. I am in love with breakfasts in bed, sensuality, perfume and the poetics of beauty. I love that John Keats verse "A thing of beauty is a joy forever", I've never wanted to be free but kept in a luxurious bottle (I blame this on watching endless re-runs of -I Dream of Genie- far too many times when I was a kid). I never leave the house without lipstick or lipgloss and I get a huge kick of pushing the gender role status-quo more than I should. My favorite color is violet and I am afraid of dying alone, I want to marry and have a house to keep, my ambitions have nothing to do with high profile jobs or a renowned social position for all I want is people to love, a family, good friends and beautiful nights sipping rosé champagne while eating strawberries. I've been lucky enough to live a quite hedonistic and spoiled life and I refuse to feel guilty or be made fun of because of it. I love italian soaps, white linen, dinner parties, wood floors and 100% cotton shirts. I am sentimental, afraid and have always felt kind of disenchanted because life rarely meets dreams and there is nothing that could be done about that. There is nothing superficial about me, all those silly things are just decorations, I am very passionate about life and I surrender myself like there is no tomorrow. What I love the most about myself is that I am always in love, always. In love with dreams, ideas, books, voices, women, men and situations. I am always in love and I believe that this is the only thing for which I truly live most everyday, the mere opportunity to fall in love time and time again.

tell me some of your secrets....


Alison said...

My secret is probably how much I admire you & how much you inspire me to always have the finest of everything & enjoy each tender moment. I think you are beautiful. ♥

c* said...

oh darling, you are much too kind and much to loved. thank you ever so for such encouraging and soft words.
I hope you keep on having beautiful days filled with wonder!

i send kisses.


krissy said...

I just found your blog from a tweet from s friend and it is so lovely!

A secret from me (well, if you know me I doubt it it s secret): I stru8ggle between wanting to be alone and wanting to be social. My first thought is always to want to stay home. I love old things and good tv shows and old movies. You should come by my blogs.

One is for vintage ephemera and one is for everything else.

I make zines and crafts, too, sometimes.

krissy said...

p.s. your blog is beautiful!!

c* said...

hello beautiful krissy
thank you ever so for your darling words.

I do struggle sometimes with being social too. I have a very close almost hermetic social group and sometimes I find it rather painful to go out and socialize, I can do it and it's ok every once in a while but I'm very private and secretive.

I will visit your blogs and will follow you!