Quite a funny thing to have broken apart from each other this way...We were together when loved ones craddled us and hid in separate places when darkness filled our sky. Whatever light touched, we lulled to sleep with the voices of mermaids and sonambulas hoping it would never fade away. Together, we were golden, darling and even if I didn't reach for you all that much this year, i still wrote and dreamed like a swan...I'll never be anything different, a moonbeam, a petal washed ashore, a whisper...
2010 was tough as nails, loss, oblivion, heartache and death...tears of innocence and tears of joy. Lovers gone, his hands so far away from my hips, his lips still touching mine... I fell to my knees, I tore my body to keep love flowering and love has come back to me again. All the glory of his dark italian ancestors, with his big dangerous eyes and that terribly large nose I've grown to love as if I had given birth to it.
Oh precious silent one, if there is one thing you've been, is a witness to all the love I've harbored for him. Every wish a command, waiting and waiting just to see glimpses of this chiseled face I've memorized by heart. Above all things, I've loved and I have loved fearlessly. No matter the cuts and the ruby blood, no matter the sorrow.
2010, you've been a horrible stain in my life, one that I'm ready to wipe away...good bye little bastard, do burn away and keep all your horror with you, go away, disappear and please do not hold the door for any other year like you.
As for you, darling diary, let's never be strangers. I'll bring words often, even if they are the same dove cry and poetic words you must have grown accustomed to see from me. I'll always be the same, a lamb, a mirage, a pearl, your swan.
“It’s love and only love. It is the way he tugs at my hips, a soft whispering voice waking me up in the middle of the night for lovemaking, it is the way I have learned to swallow him whole, the way I have always kept my feelings and fears to myself for I’ve always known he shouldn’t be burdened with such quiet desperation. He is not mine, even though he is me, he belongs to no one, he is free and weightless and I will never be able to keep him still. He’ll leave, I know he will. I am all glistening flower nectar, a fruit he bites, a pinned butterfly, a wide-eyed doll in the shape of a boy. I have no control over these feelings and emotions washing over me, I am powerless and small in his hands, a white flower carried away by the wind. This is not about me but about love, love above all things in the world”
Nothing has changed over time, my darling. I was made for love, luxurious and blushing, big brown eyes under a lush fringe of eyelashes like black widows. I am yours, a hothouse flower, lips made to welcome yours. I carry your weight, your wounds. I wear your smell, I breathe you in, I am yours for the taking, I am venim, I am love.
Most throughout December, I've been wearing this beauty.
A part of Les Exclusifs de Chanel range, a big 200 ml of Eau de Toilette in the most wonderful rare scents from Chanel's history.
A gift I received in Paris, from a man I love. It was the only scent he was passionate about out of all the range. The rest of them, he found whorish (a total misconception, because a Chanel perfume is for well to do ladies (and some boys). In fact, I'm still waiting for my whorish Chanel!), silly or plain boring. The minute he smelled this one, he fell in love and I did too.
A honeyed mist of heady blossoms and pale florals. The usual ylang-ylang and romantic rose you can always expect from Chanel with a sensual heart of lily, jasmine, exotic frangipani and a touch of powdery héliotrope. The honey note and a creamy vanilla note ties this floral symphony together and come out in waves as the fragance evaporates from skin.
Some images to describe how beautiful this perfume truly is; a sheer florescense, dancing petals on water, smouldering honey over vanilla, a warm whisper of your lover's voice as you wake up tangled in cotton bedsheets somewhere in Paris. A few seconds go by and you can barely remember your name or the place where you are but his voice, the weight of his body over yours as he inclines to kiss your neck; Why would you need to remember anything? It's heaven.