Saturday, September 24, 2011

♥ a journal of love ♥

Write darling, write every day, write your whole life so love never fades. You could spend a lifetime writing all your woes and delights, your whole life building cities of the interior, writing about the aching sensitive that only love awakes in your body. You waste away writing about the one you love, the one you could love forever so.

For you, love was never a defense from a cruel world, it was the only answer you could find to the mayhem of making sense of everyday, it was never a choice but the only obvious way through. You choose love because it’s the only thing that makes the fear disappear, you fall in love because love is greater than yourself, it still holds the power to make waves and oceans in you. You love because it fills you with sorrow and you need sorrow to remember you are alive. You can never tell if all the joy you feel when you love will overwhelm you or kill you very slowly. You choose love because you’ve always been frightened to be alone, you are terrified of your thoughts, so you fall in love so you never have to think, your body is always taken by emotion, you are not real to yourself, you create the haze that blinds you.

You believe in nothing else but love, the world is too fast, too crazy, you hold on to the ghosts you’ve loved, every man a sailor to your dock, every nymph a soulmate who once shared her beauty with you. You love with such blind and deathly passion that you soon forget what you will find behind the door that has kept you from being eaten by wolves, a door that leads to a world of unknown dangers and truths you’ve never wanted to see.

You are still searching for that great other to fill you with dreams and secrets about yourself, someone else who could bring you the beauty that you’ve failed to grasp, clues and pieces to mend what once was broken. This, darling, is the greatest truth you hold, you are certain that everyone is broken, someway, somehow... you look around and see everybody trying to pretend they are whole, but you know different, you see the holes in the surface, you dream of the tears that fall at nightime, you still believe that it’s far dreamier to share loneliness than to sail utterly alone.

You still hold your breath when you surrender because deep inside, you are always aware that love is never generous sharing but desperate seeking

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

♥ La Solitaria ♥



cuídate de mí amor mío
cuídate de la silenciosa en el desierto
de la viajera con el vaso vacío
y de la sombra de su sombra

Alejandra Pizarnik

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

♥ La Solitaria ♥


cuídate de mí amor mío
cuídate de la silenciosa en el desierto
de la viajera con el vaso vacío
y de la sombra de su sombra

Alejandra Pizarnik



Monday, September 19, 2011

♥ La Solitaria ♥


cuídate de mí amor mío
cuídate de la silenciosa en el desierto
de la viajera con el vaso vacío
y de la sombra de su sombra

Alejandra Pizarnik


Saturday, September 17, 2011

♥ La Solitaria ♥





cuídate de mí amor mío
cuídate de la silenciosa en el desierto
de la viajera con el vaso vacío
y de la sombra de su sombra

Alejandra Pizarnik

Sunday, September 4, 2011

♥ a week of endless love ♥


(love and loss walk hand in hand trying to overcome each other's hold)

♥ drawing girls everytime you leave

♥ Every perfume you've picked for me enraptures me into a deep state of love and devotion

♥ wearing make up that looks like no make up

♥ yours lips making me little trails over my body

♥ This piece of writing that makes me believe there is no way I could ever stop loving you

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
 
Anaïs Nin


♥ crying and wishing and hoping that one day tragedy will leave our side and things will be simple and abloom.

♥ "little star did beckon home,
the one who lost her right to roam"

Friday, September 2, 2011


There has always been this delirious dichotomy in me. I hoard and I let go to waste, I keep, and treasure, and think everyday til dawn in all the possible ways to keep time from passing by, by making small memorizations of moments, conversations, faces I have loved and I have loved so many faces. Lovers and criminals, movie stars and strangers who get lost in the fog.

During the very same process of remembering, I start to forget. The curve of cheekbones, the luminous tone of someone’s skin, a crooked smile, the gleaming of teeth, sad eyes, I forget and forget and then cry when I cannot remember. There is not amount of work that could keep me from trying to save all these memories, every diary I’ve written with extensive descriptions of dinners, lovemaking, special moments. Every single photograph taken hoping to freeze what could never be frozen.

I want to remember because of love yet I forget because of hurt, the terrible hurt of time washing over what the mind tries to hide in a sacred place. Time steals everything. I came to this realization at a very young age yet still, I’m not ready to part with my moments, the kisses I remember, the love I have given and has been given to me with splendor.

Drained of blood, all the life energy has been sucked out of me by the wonderful strive of your power, when I say “you’re crushing me”, you answer; “it’ll be easier to eat you up later”. As always, you’ve come with your fangs sharpened, a killer bee sting on the paleness of my body and I am ready for consumption.

I’ve never been one to put up resistance, love is the only danger I take in spite of myself. I am blinded by your desire, I am nothing but the flutter of wings, the softness of velvet in your arms, every costume, a mere decoration of eyes and coy smiles. In our encounters, the cheater becomes cheated when every sly turn of my hips is perfectly met by your awareness of my intentions, and still you find confusion, the veil hasn’t been lifted even when you have seen my face covered with flowing strings of tears.

This haze I seem to emit all around me still troubles you more than you would ever dare admit, and you swim, baby, through tidal waves and mud, you claw your way out of my life trying to find the pearl, the hidden truth, you sew together every story trying to make up the web of me but not even I can do such a hazardous work, I’ve let go, my love, I try to forget and I promise myself to untie my past one day at a time. It’ll be a glorious day, the day I can remember no more.

What deceptions trigger you so? Is it the silence? my life as a spy of love? the girls holding the secrets of my life? the possibility of creating rippling waves in my body? I won’t bring you down any more than you are, I’ll be every vision you’ve ever had, I’ll be an empty vessel for the dreams you’d never dare to tell. Come with the burning thrive to pick me apart, eat my heart out, ask endless questions, I am a house of mirrors filled with flowers and smoke, you will come into me endless times but will always leave with a different fantasy.

photograph by Deborah Turbeville